Healing The Past: Brought to You by "Get Over It"
...and Other Dismissive Phrases
There are too many people telling others to get over the past and not enough people leading by example to show others how to heal through the past, mostly because people are ignorant of healing. This was never a part of the K-12 curriculum. They are just now showing children how to identify their emotions in the K-12 curriculum.
When I hear “Get Over It,” it is an indicator of discomfort and never an indication of a healed person. This phrase is rarely followed by, “This is what I did and this is how it helped me.”
The past provides us with lessons that we can hope to not repeat, from history and within our personal lives. For many, the past is still a fresh wound that no bandaid or stitch can fix because the cuts are not physical. So how can people learn to heal when they are still processing the pain, while being told to get over it?
1. Stop seeking healing and understanding from the people who caused the pain or stood by and allowed it to happen. Unless they have addressed their role in your wounds and are healed, you will find more pain.
2. Seek support from professionals who are certified trauma-informed. (I am.)
As a mother who is still amazed at the things I have mentally and physically survived and has dedicated her life to mind, body, spirit healing, I am blessed every day I don’t have the urge to tell anyone to “get over it” for the pain I may have caused or the pain I didn’t address in the moment.
The phrase “Get Over It” does not inspire positive change. It creates and expands emotional wedges between people, which can be healing if you are the type who likes burnt bridges. However, for people who desire a relationship and connection with people despite past experiences, it feels like a troll on a bridge that won’t let you pass.
3. Acceptance is key. You can only control your healing journey, and the people you love may not come with you. Seeds of knowledge can be dropped, but no amount of words will change a person who is committed to misunderstanding you or seeing you as the villain in their life story - no matter what they did or what they allowed to happen.
Acceptance does not mean you agree with them. It means you see them for what and who they are, and that it is not your responsibility to change them or to get them to see your perspective today or back then. That’s just who they are in the present.
4. Now decide how you wish to deal with them and stick to it until they change on their own. Change is a slow process, and understand that one of you may die before you ever see that change.
Remember, Acceptance is Key.
Just a note before you hit these holiday streets.
FYI - I have licensed therapists and other advanced degree psych professionals who come see me for support (Reiki, Emotional Reset Massage, Transformational Ceremony). This is not a drill. Healing is my life’s work.